Graceful Parenting in Austin

I told Blue Eyes this weekend that he is not allowed to think I’m being ridiculous when I talk about Baby Girl’s nap schedule. I don’t usually tell him what to think, maybe because I have a strong, healthy sense of self that can handle differences of opinion or maybe because he doesn’t usually think I’m being ridiculous. But in any case, when it comes to her nap schedule, I needed him to give me the benefit of the doubt…

I have two theories - 1) Baby Girl is happier when her naps and meals are spread throughout the day and she gets at least 3 hours of naps and 2) I need to go to lunch with my girlfriends now and then.

Baby Girl is regular like the sun and moon when it comes to night time sleep (well, except for during the holidays and when we changed her formula and when she doesn’t take all of her night time bottle, but in all other cases) and about her morning nap (no exceptions here, I could set my watch by her morning nap). But after that, she is all over the place. Super short naps or long naps, getting tired after an hour of being awake or not getting tired at all, there is no pattern. She has a hard time if she only gets a couple of very short naps and I have a hard time if I can’t schedule a lunch with my girlfriends, which I can’t because I want to be home when she starts her nap so she can be in her crib and I don’t want to wake her up from a nap to go out and I can’t predict when her naps will be.

I took the average time of her naps and have spent about a month trying to ‘encourage’ the schedule. I try to to awake-kinds-of-things when she is supposed to be awake and sleep-kinds-of-things before her nap time. I’m home during her nap times. If she wakes up too early from a nap, I try to get her back to sleep and if she sleeps to long I wake her up. There are even more strategies for how I encourage the schedule which is why Blue Eyes thinks I’m being ridiculous, because she still does whatever it is she wants to do whenever she wants to do it.

So, I have a new book, called “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” (Marc Weissbluth). And, overall, I guess it is all right.

One thing I noticed when I was reading the book is that I’m getting tired of baby books written by male pediatricians. I’m sure they are really smart and know a lot about babies, but have they been in charge of the naps and feedings around the clock for months at a time for a real baby? Sometimes they say things and I don’t think they have never really been there. This happened with this book because Dr. Weissbluth takes about 45 pages to say one single thing and if he knew how much free time a person has when they are taking care of a baby, he would have gotten to the point right away. He has a whole chapter on why a child’s sleep is important, but then he repeats the same information in the other chapters, in case you missed it, I guess. His chapters two through four mix together information about regular, premie and colicky babies as well as all different ages, so for any bit of information that applies to me now, I have to read about ten extra pages. And do I need to read five personal stories from parents who found an earlier bedtime helpful? Five!!!??? I get the point already!

So, I found it important when reading this book to start with the Table of Contents and choose the sections I wanted to read and skip all the personal stories, because they just repeated what he just said, just with parent and baby names added.

When I focused on just Chapter 6, How Parents Can Help Their Children Establish Healthy Sleep Habits: You Can Prevent Sleep Disturbances from Infancy to Adolescence: Months Five to Twelve (you see, even his chapter titles are too long!), I found some helpful information. His theory is that biologically, there are natural sleep times most babies fall into and if you encourage that schedule, your baby will be more likely to sleep well. You can encourage the schedule by doing awake-kinds-of-things when she is supposed to be awake and sleep-kinds-of-things before her nap time. Then you can be home during her nap times… hey, wait a minute! This is pretty much all of the things I was doing already!

Well, I did learn a few new things. One is that two and a half hours of nap time sleep is generally enough and I had been disappointed when when she wasn’t getting three hours, so maybe I can lighten up about that. He also said that it may be difficult to establish regular naps for someone Baby Girl’s age because their biological nap rhythms may not be mature yet, which I probably didn’t need a doctor to tell me, but it was good to know that it might just take a little more time.

I was at Border’s Books today. I wasn’t planning on it, but I ended up in the parenting section anyway. A couple with their young baby came by and picked up this very book. I said ‘Hey, I was reading that just this morning!’ They asked how I liked it and I told them it had some good information, but I think Dr. Weissbluth was paid by the word because he sure does go on and on and on. They asked if his ideas were well supported by research. Hmm, I said well, sort of, but tons of baby books that completely contradict each other are supported by research. A lot of the research is conducted by the author, which I think is definitely ridiculous, because the results so consistently support what the author was trying to prove and I don’t think you can really call that science. But, the book had some good ideas, so it might be worth a read, of selected chapters, while skimming through the fat.

I asked them how old their baby was and she was just two months old. She was really beautiful. I told them I had been at this a little longer, my baby girl was six months old, which is why the book in my hand was “Mommies Who Drink: Sex, Drugs, and Other Distant Memories of an Ordinary Mom” (Brett Paesel). At this point, I need humor from fellow Moms and not more instructions from male pediatricians. That will give me more balance for now, to adjust and adapt and embrace what Baby Girl brings me next.

(See my review philosophy.)
[UPDATED - See update of this book review.]